#i feel nothing but misery
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watched s2 of watership down!
this show hates me give me my fav character back...!
#watership down#watership down 1999#i feel nothing but misery#this fandom is a prison#why did i ever think i could have a favourite character
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which could mean nothing
#merwaine#this episode is MY 2012 christmas misery flashback#gwaine x merlin#bbcm#bbc merlin#gwaine#something uh. Not That Chill happened between these two#gwaine parroting merlin's words has nothing to do with merlin putting a bandage on the girl they saved#and everything to do with feeling taken for granted. imo#hes like yeah i saved her yeah we slept together yeah i just saved you too and yeah we [citation needed]#but that doesnt mean anything to you so im over it (<- painfully not over it)
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babpy.
#pizza tower#peppino#arts#mine#happy pride; heres a little otter for u#hes like very early 20s here#happy and unbothered before the Horrors happened#it is NOT his 30s bc he needs to exude raw dilf energy by that point#but for now he is anxious and sweet and awkward#not that i dont draw him like that already but its like 10x here#its PALPABLE#okay mwah i will hopefully come back w more than just sketches that mean nothing skjfsdjkfdhfhsk#i have LITERALLY been on this commission for WEEKS i need someone to take me out back and put me out of my misery i swear#im going to finish the lines TODAY like i cant be this person i cant keep coming back to this fucking comm w no progress ill simply Die#its like singlehandedly preventing me from doing anything else; its making a mental block waaaaaaaau#but i feel like i am breaking through it today. at least i HOPE i am sdkjfsdjkfjsdkf#um if u are still here ilu. send me some anons; i want to be chatty but the messages i have feel like i need to respond w essays#and i literally. cannot.#at least until i get my head screwed on properly again
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Nothing Girl! But... Different!
Designs for a hypothetical Nothing Girl comic drawn in a more traditional format. Smiles an actual raggedy doll, Bad Seed is a bit more rooted and things are a bit sweeter and harsher
#bones rattle#nothing girl comic#smile the mannequin#smile lee dahl#bad seed#millie nasty#agony the reaper#nothing girl new#my ocs#skelearts#theres like a lot different w everyone#millie is much more ambivalent and laid back#agony a bit more job focused and burned by the passage of time#bad seed is much closer to her roots in being antagonistic and silly#smile has a much stranger relationship w her mom and her own body#shes made mods to it but shes still Eldridge in there so she has mixed feelings about her appearance#she wears a nightgown almost all the time and doesnt put as much effort into her appearance anymore#her and millie are exes but like for millie its on good terms. smile has feelings about it#theyre coworkers now at the coffee shop in the clouds and she brings bad seed in to gain some sunlight and be amongst people#smile puts a lot of work into caring for bad seed who is v resistant and would rather root in misery#thered still be god chicanery but in a much more ominous way#okay thats my ted talk ill keep a bit quiet about this till i can sketch something up#idk whats gonna happen w nothing girl classic i may finish it but the drive has been a bit lost#time will tell but if youve read the original version youll know a lot about this newer one..
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jumps and skips around im so happy
#i think its nice to feel actually happy after months of nothing but misery. im happy and even if its a small amount its still there#im. getting better yay#ig mental health update
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My toxic red flag is that everytime I make a post s8 au, Allura always ends up being a woobified poor little meow meow
#Rip Allura. A pathetic girfailure era could have saved you#empty thoughts#There's a very thin line between a deeply tragic character in a story that doomed them and a pathetic wet rag the universe fucking loathes#And man am I going to push her in a specific direction#Like seriously why is it always Lance or Keith given the sad woobie treatment?#Move aside. It's Allura's turn to be the drenched cat in the rain with huge sad wet eyes#I think it's because to me her 'death' and separation had to be traumatizing for her#All she had left at the time was her life and a chance of a happier future only to give up even that#All to fix the mistakes of people who have nothing but abused her but get to have happy endings handed to them#So I feel like if she had survived this would have been the final straw#Not to mention there is no war to win anymore. No universe to save. No destiny to fulfil#It's over and there are no distractions anymore. Nothing to keep your mind occupied#While all the pain and misery just finally comes crashing down#Post s8 au#Stolen identity au
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"The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn’t. My guilt will not purify me"
that qoute lives in my head rent free.
(who said it, btw? I tried to find a source before the tumblr user @/ojibwa posted it and nothing came up)
#I struggle with certian addictions and end up relapsing and feeling immense guilt afterwards#and that guilt does nothing but add to my misery. It's just self flagellation at this point after my self will faltered#Then I remember this qoute and it helps. It grounds me a bit that there is no use weeping over this and torturing myself internally#What I can do is do better next time. Take better preventions. Have alternative ways ready.#There is no use mangling myself in guilt and shame over its corpse#the fire won't purify me. Burning myself will just leave me more wounded and susceptible to relapsing again#One of the reasons I'm very careful and cautious when it comes to taking pain killers for my migraines. I fear becoming addicted#So I just rawdog the head splitting headaches on most days#I hate taking antibiotics ugh I'm my worst self when I'm on them but I'm sick again and fuck just fuck all of this#I feel incredibly weak on them so I gravitate towards these old habits tnat I give ma rush or a feeling of being in control again#what is done is done. I'm just grateful I didn't cross the line. This is very fixable. No mistake is forever#If it is OP who came up with the post then I'm incredibly thankful for the qoute#☆other
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Something y'all should know about the 1st round cast is that their equivalent of the train (as in, the safe zone and character hub of sorts) is the Prehevil old hotel, where a lot of the contestant were staying in when the festival started for one reason or another, as by that point it was in good condition and the upstairs area was accessible.
Therefore, most of them have their own rooms there, but Mary is one of the exceptions since she was hired by the owner to clean the pipes since it was cheap labor. So her "room" is an old matress in the storage room floor.
Which is exactly where she is sitting down at in this lil comic
#Mary is a depressing character tbh. her life has been nothing but misery since forever but she just keeps going#because her will to survive is bigger than any pain she can possibly feel#and at this point she is pretty much desensitized to the terrible conditions she has to endure#because things have always been like this for her#so it's fine. she'll keep going regardless#she's not the only person without a room tho!#John had one but left to make a small base/camp for himsef in the woods when the festival started#so his room is empty and i think Amos might have taken it after he ran away from the church#Kit also doesn't have a room. i think he sorta just stays around the lobby or going around where others are#when he isn't going off on his own. following his calling#hyena ramblings#fear and hunger temina#edit#sprite edit#termina oc#fear and hunger oc#termina 1st round#Mary Ann
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Wicked, the book, feels in theory like something I could really love. Unfortunately, I did read it, and I did not like it.
#like. actually. as a writer.#'How about we treat the worldbuilding of this whacky magical fantasyland seriously?'#is actually crack for me#except the book doesn't ACTUALLY do that..#It approaches the subject with a much more cynical lens#filtered through many real world issues#but it doesn't explain shit either.#If the original book is 'Don't think about it just VIBES'#Wicked felt very much like 'Don't think about it just MISERY'#and I am so forgiving of the musical being shoddy on worldbuilding#because it is a MUSICAL#by nature built on fun vibes and not a great medium to explain wordbuilding intricacies and also very character-focused#but the book is an absolute brick and I would have LOVED a history really diving into how Oz works#except the book does nothing but start-stop; start-stop; and gets nowhere.#Nothing ever gets resolved and then Elphaba dies.#are you gonna tell me? what the fucking grimmery is about? how it works? is that gonna have any sort of conclusive story arc?#nnnnNNNOPES.#I just watched a very cool video doing this literary VS genre dissection that feels applicable here...#I was expecting a fantasy book and I got the Sad Life and Times of this One Lady
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had a moment today with my seniors that was so tense, I made myself stop, breathe, and say three hail Mary’s under my breath. the moment teetered and then the tension broke. I was so relieved.
#it wasn’t even like. a showdown or anything#but it’s the underlying unpleasantness that comes when a student continually and relentlessly chooses not to do the work#and they come face to face with the reality that I won’t let them not do any work#and it’s so hard for me not to aggravate the situation. to get angry almost pre-emptively to lash out at them#to be ready with my own storm of anger prepared to meet theirs#because I GET so angry#and it’s always better when I don’t#where I add nothing to the fire where I just let the consequences of their own actions play out#and let them sit in the misery they feel when they have a quiz they are unprepared for#without being instantly ready to counter their mood#which i always am! I’m so reactive. always have been.#and it doesn’t help. not when it’s negative#so I just have to breathe and pray in the face of it#I didn’t expect the mood to suddenly swing. I actually was fully prepared to HAVE to lecture them#after I said the hail Mary’s but the problem was solved in the saying of them#this makes no sense I am giving no specifics 😂#but it’s been a hard time with my seniors and this made it better#teaching tag
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he has all these feelings and he can't find a way to express them in a way that mike can understand..... will just wanting to be understood by one of the people he loves most in this world.... the king of his heart, his very first and best friend, and his first love.... he wants to be known and loved for exactly who he is the very same way that he knows and loves mike for all that he is, but he doesn't know how to say the unspeakable.... i can't see through ym tears right now
#reading this again just to feel something (agony misery pain anguish and world-shattering heartbreak)#will byers#byler#mine#the way that will loves mike so much he's quite literally actually and canonically bursting with it and desperate to have it be understood#but he just. he cannot express it in a way tht mike understands. he paints and he veils his confession and he waits for mike even though#he receives nothing in return and he supports him through everything even at the cost of himself and his own desires and it just.#is not enough! his call doesn't get through! the same way that mike's literal calls never got through! i just. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Btw I had a long, LONG-ass post locked and loaded but I deleted it in favor of this: I couldn't vote this year, and I can't just up and leave the country, and yeah I'm scared. But being scared isn't going to DO anything for me personally except give me a fucking coronary, which is ALSO an outcome that conservatives would like. So I'm going to live my life, get on the internet less (and yeah that means here, too, sorry guys. DM me for my discord or even phone number if you like.), and engage with my local friends/community more. Because that's all I, personally, can even do.
I'm not the boss of anyone, especially not my mutuals and least of all my random assortment of followers, but I'd suggest that y'all maybe try to do the same, and remember that the average person is a lot less cruel than this world would have you believe. Stay safe ♡
#I do love y'all but at a certain point my dash being full of NOTHING but misery and fear starts feeling less like everyone commiserating#and more like fearmongering#which I know is probably not the intention but that's what my brain is reading it as#so like... gonna hold my friends close and just live my life for now and see what the future holds#I realize this is a privilege not everyone has but my existence as a trans person has not magically become less safe than from a week ago#the same number of people in the world who hated me yesterday still hate me today and I personally cannot change that#so it's not my responsibility to! the only responsibility to MYSELF that I have is to survive and make the world brighter as I go forward
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😦
#walks out of the swedish class with a thousand yard stare#ill be honest kitten daddys about to kill himself#and it IS this swedish course's fault#its mandatory for all studies... and it makes me wanna die so bad i hateeee it i dont understand anythingggggg#the teacher says all the instructions in swedish and half the time i dont even understand what im missing so i cant ask her to clarify#not that id like to anyway since everybody else seems to be getting by just fine#this is torture id rather pull off my fingernails than go back and its. until christmas. so the sufferings not really even begun yet#and the worst part is ill probably fail anyway so itll all be for nothing#but at the same time ive already suffered for a few weeks so i dont wanna just drop it and do it later yk??#life is agony i take back everything i said about being a career student i HATE academy i HATE learning i HATE studying#my post#nothing makes me despair like swedish class#actual misery like i never feel elsewhere
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far safer of a midnight– meeting
external ghost.
#harry osborn#one need not be a house#norman osborn#spider-man#raimiverse#raimi spider man#*#**#osborn house horror my beloved#their house functions as a center for evil and pain and trauma#it looms and creaks and groans and you can feel the weight of everything that happened within those walls#home is supposed to be a safe haven you can retreat back to when you’re scared and confused and alone#but where do you run when your home is the creation of your misery???#when the worst things that have happened to you happened in the safety of your own home?#and harry inherits the house at such a young age he never had a chance to escape it#and he spends so much of the trilogy locked away in that house as he falls deeper and deeper into despair#the house breathes and moans and consumes#the house is hungry and is slowly devouring you and you don’t even know it because it still feels like home#and before you know it you’re nothing but bones and the house has spit you out#i don’t remember where i was going with this.
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I said i'd do it but i haven't but i'm thinking ab the therapy form again
#i know i should rationally i know it'd help me#but there's a lil part of me that kinda likes to suffer#it keeps me on my toes#jokes aside hnghhhhhhhhh i'm not made for this world or this existence i'm back in this mindset#i'm doing good it's like i'm not unhappy but i'm not happy. i'm sad and angry and confused and i feel miserable#but i'm not unhappy. do you get it.#there's nothing i want to change ab my current state i genuinely think my misery is coming from the inside#:[
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anxiety anxiety, go away, come again never
#weeeee#vent#i dont know what im supposed to do#i dont know what anyone wants from me#im so tired#ive already donr so much#ive written essays upon essays#ive tried to make you laugh#ive tried to explain whats wrong with me#ive asked for help and recieved just try harder#and so i did try harder#and all i ever get for it all is a scrap of dopamine and relentless *exhaustion*#i feel so empty#nothing ever fills that void for long#even when im enjoying myself i always end up back here#i wanna make people laugh but i dont know how#so i just throw shit at the wall and sometimes it works#i wanna talk about things but i dont actually have anything to say#so i just scrape off the surface and reword it#and boom thats an essay#and ive done that so much#i can only reword the same bullshit so many times#i dont even understand why anyone likes any of my essays i just write them to focus my brain on something for oncw#and yet i keep doing the same stupid routine of misery as always#because i cant do anything else#and even feeling bad is better than feeling nothing#whoopdy do#oh ive hit the tag limit#i had some more self depreciation but whatever im tired#sighhhhhhhh
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